The cost of not knowing

If you have been watching the news lately you are aware of the 4 kids that bullied the 68 year old bus chaperone.  For 20 minutes they bullied and humiliated her, and she never said one ill-tempered word back to them. She must be a saint because I know I do not have that kind of self-control.  I’ve been a martial arts teacher for over 25 years and a bully defense instructor for over 15 years, and it never ceases to amaze me the responses that the parents have for their children’s behavior.  “I can’t believe that was my child” and “I didn’t think my child was hanging out with kids like that” are the responses that are heard almost EVERY TIME that bullying incidents happen.  No parent ever wants to think their child is capable of being a bully, in fact, when I talk to parents after a bully workshop, their responses are always “my child could never be a bully, no, not my child.”  If that’s the case, then that begs the questions of, “where do bullies come from” and “what kind of situations create these bullies?”

It’s a fact that every parent does not know everything about their children and what goes on in their lives, including myself.  I can’t tell you how many times a child comes home with a bad grade and the parent has no idea that he/she hasn’t been doing their homework, or that they have been picked on at school for weeks and have told no one. 

As parents, we need to take a diligent approach to what influences our children when we’re not around.  Not just simple things like their video games or television shows, but the actual people that influence their behavior and decisions.  You are the sum of the top 5 closest and most influential people you hang around with.  Negative people tend to hang out with negative people, positive people hang around with positive people, successful people hang around successful people and bullies hang around with other bullies, etc.  Who are your children’s top five?  Your children’s top five may not always be other kids they hang out with, it could be you, the parents, it could be us as their martial arts instructors, their youth group or it could be other positive influencing teens and adults.  Whomever they are, help your child choose wisely, give them guidance and help them become the awesome adults that they are capable of becoming.  No child has ever regretted have discipline, structure and positive role models in their life, but many have regretted NOT having it.

Jeff Cvitak

Martial Arts USA